Choti Mata's Note: Choti Mata's limited and woefully insufficient social media exposure informed her about the back and forth that is driving the internet nuts ever since Deepika Padukone's "My Choice" video came out. Predictably, it was quickly followed by a barrage of views, opinion, arguments and a "male counter version" no less. The theme is 'choice'. And since free will has long been Choti Mata's favorite playing ground (and also since everyone and their grandmas are having a field day on the issue, Choti Mata figured she also qualified), here are her two cents.
This is not about feminism.
Nope. Not at all.
Surprisingly (or probably not so much) I agree with both the videos (the Deepika Padukone version and the very tellingly titled unofficial male version) that currently seem to be competing for 'who can rattle more intellectuals/chauvinists/liberals/everyone else' spot. And contrary to what the common opinion seems to believe, I think both of them are essentially making the same point. The fallacy lies in the perception...in believing that these videos are about feminism and its opposing forces (masculinism!?).
They are not.
They are about choice. Free will. A concept that is pretty much universal and applies to all human beings, gender notwithstanding. The free will, the choice to wear what I want, be who I want, be with who I want to...or not and so on. Nobody seems to have a problem with any of those parts, theoretically at least. The part that concerns everyone is the part that contains sex (doesn't it always?) and the derived concept of adultery and cheating.
The male version apparently does not support cheating or adultery. Which is fine. Except that I really don't think I would need or want anyone to 'support' my adultery...or cheating, should I choose to resort to it. It would be my choice. And like every other choice, it would have consequences. Which I would 'choose' to take on as well when I make that kind of a choice, however hypothetical.
(Just to clarify, for the purposes of the rest of this post, consequences do not imply 'bad things', no matter how threatening the word seems to sound. It is simply referring to the inevitable, minus any value judgment at all)
(Just to clarify, for the purposes of the rest of this post, consequences do not imply 'bad things', no matter how threatening the word seems to sound. It is simply referring to the inevitable, minus any value judgment at all)
The problem is, choice is a complicated concept. And to view it only from the lens of feminism or anti-feminism or any other 'ism' for that matter will inevitably lead to oversimplification. As it has in the current instance. Nuances will be lost and somewhere, so will be the idea of choice.
Of course cheating or supporting cheating is not empowering. Having sex outside marriage is not empowering...for men or for women. But, the choice to do so, if they are willing to face the consequences. definitely is. And that is a fine line.
The argument is not about sex. Or clothes. Or partners. Or professions. It is about having a choice. Choices will have consequences. I will not cheat if I do not want to be cheated with. But, I may be okay with the idea of open marriages and then the whole arrangement takes an altogether different and much more complex hue. The simple part is the choice and the consequences that go with it.
Videos like Padukone's too tend to oversimplify the idea. Because of course I have the choice to have sex outside marriage. But that shall entail a responsibility of accepting and respecting others' choices to do the same as well. If my order is your anarchy, I will have the responsibility to bear with it when it is vice-versa. Feminism cannot be anybody's get out of jail free card. Which is a point that the male version of the video is also trying to make.
Pot can be biggest feminist in the World. It still does not get to call the kettle black.
This is not about feminism. This is about choices. Choices have consequences. Free will always comes at a cost. It is not the punch line of a tragic story. It is the truth. What is also a truth is that there is a whole bunch of us out there, again gender notwithstanding, who understand the costs and are willing to bear it. All they want is the choice to make those choices. They can live with them. Or perish. It is their prerogative. And that is the core of all empowerment...that is all that matters!
